The Streets of Bratislava

I changed my plans about what I was going to do today because an opportunity opened up for tomorrow. So I cancelled my plans to rent a car and drive to Sopron, Hungary, and, instead, spent the day walking the streets of Bratislava. And I must say, in total heart-attack level seriousness, I am glad that I did. Bratislava is a perfectly lovely town. Not to sound like the Chamber of Commerce or anything, but it has a great Old Town that is enjoyed both by a small contingent of tourists and the local population. The walking tour began at the landmark Michael's Gate.

Michael's Gate, Michalská Brána for you Slovak speakers, is last survivor among the four towers that once guarded the town walls. The Hotel Michalska Brana, where I am staying in my way-too-short visit to Bratislava, is just beside the gate.

Well, not just beside, it's down this little alley that's considered an actual street:

As I said, I don't think I would've found it very easily last night, in the dark, but for the help of the British ladies.

It's a short walk from Michalská Brána (and the hotel bearing its name) to my first destination: Main Square:

Actually, It wasn't the first stop. The first stop was to the "I (heart) Bratislava" gift shop for refridgerator magnets. Given that you can't take snow globes in your carry-on anymore -- thank you War on Terror and TSA -- refrigerator magnets are now my souvenir of choice. So after loading up on refrigerator magnets, the journey began in earnest.

Old Town Bratislava is known for its collection of whimsical statues. The first one I happened upon was this Napoleonic officer. Also on the main square was this proper looking soldier:

A block toward the river I came upon another of Bratislava's statues, Paparazzo:

I wonder who he's caught in his camera?

Of course, I don't know if there's any local Bratislava celebs dining at that cafe. Next:

That's Cumil! The Peeper! One of the more famous statues of a worker popping up from a manhole. Here's a closer look:

He has been run over by trucks on a few occasions over the years. I had heard that there was also a life-sized-ish statue somewhere in the Old Town of Pittsburgh native Andy Warhol, whose ethnic roots are in Eastern Slovakia. I thought he was Polish, and maybe he is, boundaries used to be somewhat more fluid. And there's supposedly a decent Warhol museum in the tiny village from which his family came. I searched and searched and searched for the Warhol statue, which was supposed to be in this ara at the intersection of Venturska and Panska, but he was not there.

Maybe he got stolen. Maybe he out too late last night at 54. Maybe his 15 minutes were up. For whatever reason, he wasn't there. But while looking for Andy, I did get to see this, something I have never before seen in my life:

People vacuuming the sidewalk! Back to walking. This is the Slovak National Theater at Hviezdoslav Square:

I knew what this building was when I snapped the picture, but I had two large beers with dinner (I was thirsty):

Thankfully I have a guide book to help me with my spelling. I made it down to the Danube River at the southern end of Old Town. That's the infamous Nový Most, or New Bridge, otherwise known at the "UFO" bridge, due to that flying saucer-shaped observation deck and restaurant on the Petrzalka side of the bridge.

I did not go up in that communist-era monstrosity. I then started walking back into Old Town and came upon the last of the whimsical statues I would find today:

That's Schöner Náci. He was a Bratislava resident who passed in 1967 and was known for wandering the streets dressed in top hat and tails, kissing women's hands. In the Communist Era, that was OK. The good news is that he has had his arm reattached after it was broken off a few years ago by some drunken British louts, probably here on "stag." I then wandered over to St. Martin's Cathedral:

The Cathedral is undergoing much-needed renovation:

The Cathedral is quite historic. When Budapest was occupied by the Ottoman Turks a half of a century ago, this is where the coronation for new Hungarian kings and queens would be held. The Cathedral is being damaged from heavy traffic on the highway that the Communists built right next to the church. The UFO bridge is part of that highway. Did I say "right next to the church"?

Talk about your zero lot lines. I then walked back close to the river and found the U.S. embassy:

I then started the walk back toward Michael's Gate, back to my hotel to rest my dogs before the afternoon adventure.

Bratislava!

I just rolled into Bratislava and, man, are my wheels tired.

I took the train from Prague to Bratislava hl. st., and I did not fall asleep and miss my stop. The one problem with these European trains is that they do not do an obvious job of announcing the stops. I wish they had those little maps like they have on the airline seats, showing your exact location on the world map at that instant. It would let me know when we're getting close to my destination. Of course, I could've just written down the arrival time on a slip of paper and that would've solved the problem, but, hey, life's not always about choosing the easiest solution.

I got into Bratislava's main train station at about 8:00 p.m. (That's 20:00 for those of you preferring European, or U.S. military, timekeeping methods.) I thought the train station wasn't all that far to the Old Town. And a cab ride would have been 15 euro for a short jump. So I asked people to point me in the right direction and I rolled my giant heavy suitcase down the cobblestone sidewalks of a dark Bratislava wondering what I had gotten myself into.

Turns out it was a fairly far distance, maybe close to a mile, but it was a rather straight line. More importantly, given that I was rolling a very heavy suitcase, it was downhill. I would not have wanted to walked that walk, and rolled that roll, in the opposite direction.

My initial impression is that I am loving Bratislava. That picture above makes Bratislava look a little darker than it was. That's the castle in the background.

I'm having those "everything falls into place" moments that you have when you're in a great place to visit. When I got to the edge of the Old Town, and wasn't sure where my small hotel was, which I knew was going to be hidden off a small side street, I asked these two women who, turns out, were Brits who were staying at the same hotel, and who were walking back to the hotel, and the hotel locks up at 7:00 p.m. (although there was someone at the desk to check me in). And while the hotel is on an old, medieval street, the Hotel Michalska Brana is quite modern. My room looks great and is much more comfortable than my room in Prague:

I checked into the hotel and had dinner at a nearby Slovak pub, the Flag Ship. I need to go back and get some pictures, as the pub looked great, big and wooden and lots and lots of beers on tap, including a few Slovak beers. I had the beef goulash, which was your basic thin, peppery broth with pieces of what would've been tough parts of the cow had they not been cooking in that broth for days. Yummm. Eeeee!

I'm already regretting that I've only got one full day in Bratislava. And I already know I made the right decision in choosing Bratislava over Vienna for this intermediate stop between Prague and Budapest.

Last Thoughts on Prague

Monday was my last day in Prague. The "blague" portion of the vacation blog will now be closing. The last sight for my visit was what appears to be an army of zombies. These aren't zombies. This is the awesome Memorial to the Victims of Communism Who Lived.

Look closely at the figures. They are slowly decaying as you move back, symbolizing the dehumanizing effect that communism had on the Czech people.

I think the context would be more apparent with the addition of another figure, a figure representing western decadence at its most gluttonous:

You knew that was coming, didn't you?

I had a great time in Prague, despite my complete inability to get over my jet lag. (E.g., I woke up this morning wide awake at 3:00 a.m. and did not go back to sleep until 6:00. Not conducive to an active schedule!) Prague is beautiful. There is endless supply of sights to see, things to do, and Czech beer to drink. Czech food is heavy, but tasty. It is also a disorienting place. It is very easy to get lost walking around here, as the streets are packed, narrow and jumbled. Because they are so narrow, you can't get any perspective. A functioning GPS on a smartphone would be wonderful here. And as I said before, Prague is lousy with tourists. That's good and bad. It tends to happen to places worth visiting. The word gets out.

The main tourist core consists solely of boatloads of tourists and the people who serve them. I have no clue where the locals go to eat, drink, get entertained. I don't even know where the business district is. This is not a town where you can mingle with the locals, not unless you venture way out from the tourist core and the guidebooks won't tell you which pubs to drink at that far from Mala Strana or Old Town.

There are four levels of places you visit. Level One are the rotten places you never want to see again. There aren't many of those on my list. Billings, Montana. Lukovdol, Croatia. That's about it. Level Two are the places you, you have a great time, but you really don't think you'll ever want to visit again. Level Three are the places you visit and you want to return to, again and again. And Level Four are those places you love so much you wish you could move there and never leave. I loved my time in Prague. I am so glad I visited here. But it might only be a Level Two on my vacation scale.

Prague After Dark

With a title like that, you think I'm going to lead you on a tour of the after-hours underbelly of Prague. No such luck. The jet lag was still affecting me, so no "Prague after dark" for me.

Walking back from the show, crossing the Charles Bridge, I saw this one bridge statute, a little off the side of the bridge, I had not seen before. I tried to take an artsy shot with the flood-lit National Theater in New Town Prague in the background:

After I crossed the bridge, I decided to hang out in a special after-hours hot spot that was jumping:

Yes. McDonald's. A couple of revelations about the Czech McDonald's. First, the McCafe:

That's a real bakery counter there! They had a selection of pastries and pies that looked awesome. I couldn't try them because of the wheat thing, but we're not talking your fried apple pie pockets here. No. A real slice of cheesecake. A real croissant. At Mickey D's! Oh, and the Big Mac or the Quarter Pounder, can't remember which, is a "Royal"! Just like in "Pulp Fiction." The ham-and-mozzarella bites also sounded particuarly awesome. And, yes, like in Germany, McDonald's does sell beer.

After that excitement, there was nothing left to do but walk the empty streets of the Little Quarter back to my hotel for some shut-eye,

Black Light Theater: Aspects of Alice

I finally got to go to the "Black Light Theater" last night. What is "Black Light Theater"? It's an only-in-Prague thing, which uses black light to camouflage the stagecraft. It also involves some puppetry, mime, etc. A lot of visitors to Prague dismiss "Black Light Theater" as "touristy." I am Mr. Self-Aware and I am fully aware that I am, in fact, a tourist. I actually like to do touristy things when I tourist. I don't like to eat in touristy restaurants. I draw the line there. But doing touristy things? Sign me up.

There are multiple "Black Light Theater" productions around town. I chose "Aspects of Alice" because (a) the source material was supposedly Lewis Carroll's Alice, and (b) the theater was conveniently located just on the other side of the Charles Bridge, in the heart of tourism row.

I would describe the production as being a community theater version of Cirque Du Soleil. The black lighting does an effective job of camouflaging the wires and such when the "Alice" character is floating and spinning -- which she seems to do for much of the production. Oh and there's a little girl-on-girl action which they call "artistic nudity." although it's more girl-on-girl toplessness as the two Alices are wearing fleshtone panties, which was weird because there were a lot of children in the audience. I guess the parents were expecting a little closer connection to Lewis Carroll's Alice, although, I must say, I didn't get the tie to either Lewis Carroll Alice book.

The music was great and, overall, it was an entertaining 80 minutes or so. It's an only-in-Prague thing, so I'm glad I went.

United States Embassy

I was wandering the back streets of the Mala Strana, and I found the United States Embassy. I wanted to find the embassy because I wanted to find the street that the Czechs recently renamed for Ronald Reagan. It's so recent that it's not on any of the maps, but I knew it was near the emabassy. So I found the embassy, but not Ronald Reagan.

Turns out, the renamed street is near the U.S. ambassador's residence, not the embassy. The embassy looks big enough to live in, but I guess not. The ambassador's residence is way out in Zone 6, apparently, which was too far to walk. So no Ronald Reagan. But I did find this guy:

Winston Churchill. And cemented down sufficiently so that some future Czech Obama can't send him back to England.

More Old Town Square

See those little white crosses embedded in the pavement? Those are there to commemorate 27 prominent Protestants who were beheaded on that very spot in 1621, on orders of the Catholic Habsburgs. And people just walk over them like they're part of the sidewalk.

Just one of the many little nuggets in Prague's Old Town Square, which, by the way, is most definitely lousy with tourists:

This is the monument to Jan Hus, one of the original Protestants, pre-Luther, pre-Henry VIII's divorce, martyred in 1415:

He turned his back on the papacy, yet they honor him with a hulkin' hulk of a monument. Go figure. I don't have a clue what these giant metal drums are there for:

One last view across the square:

This is my last full day in Prague. Tomorrow, I take the train to the Slovakian capital of Bratislava. It's not a major tourist destination by any means. In other words, it will not be lousy with tourists. But it will break up the train ride from Prague to Budapest, or Gyor, depending on which I choose as my point of entry from Hungary.

Prague has been a great place to visit. Lots to do here. Lots to see. Lots to eat. Yes, it's lousy with tourists (to coin a phrase), but that's because there is so much to do and see here. The churches alone could keep you busy for a week. It's crowded and disorienting and I'm leaving just about when I'm finally getting my bearings.

Old Town Hall Tower Climb

What the &#!$* was I thinking? Answer: I wasn't. I returned to Old Town Square to check out the on-the-top-of-the-hour ringing of the astronomical clock. And, for some reason, since I already was there, I decided to do the climb to the top of the tower above the clock and above the square.

The tower may not be skyscraper-tall, but it's high enough. I climbed a few flights of stairs, then walked up the winding ramp (about eight or so levels, if I recall) and reached the top of the tower. And then I finally remembered that me and open air heights are not a good mix. The views of Prague from up there were nice:



I tried to keep a smile on my face:

Generally I was good looking out over the city. The only problems were when I tried to look straight down onto the square below. Anyway, the on-the-hour show was nice in that "ultimate 15th Century high tech" sort of way:

There are four figures around the upper clockface. One symbolizes vanity, another greed (looking suspiciously Jewish -- they weren't known for political correctness back then), there's a third symbolizing something else, and finally there's death. Anyway, top of the hour, death pulls a string and the show begins, with various saints appearing in the windows above the clockface, culminating in the golden rooster above the clockface crowing. Maybe you can see the saints better in this one:

It's not the Bellagio Fountains, but for when the astronomical clock was installed, this was the absolute ultimate in gee-whizzery.

Museum of Communism

Located above a McDonald's, and sharing space with a casino, is the Czech Museum of Communism. How the mighty have fallen!

The museum is small. The descriptions are very informative, but there's not that impressive of a collection here. This pales in comparison to the House of Terror, or Memento Park, in Budapest. There were plenty of propaganda posters.

But overall I think the Museum is a little soft on communism. If you knew nothing else about communism other than what you learned in this museum, you would think the commies were bad because they beat on people. I prefer the message in Budapest: communism was pure evil.