The Volcano Does Not Fit Under the Arch

Looking down 5a Avenida at the volcano behind the arch

The volcano is so big and the arch is way too small.

The weather forecast said that today there was a 100 percent chance of rain. Surprisingly, in the morning, despite gloomy skies, there was no rain. So I decided to take one last chance at getting the signature photo of Antigua, Guatemala.

The above photo looks like the volcano is under the arch, but that's because the clouds are obscuring the top. The signature photo has this little bitty catenary curve of a volcano fitting wholly under the arch. I now will officially call shenanigans. Such photos exist only in the world of photoshop. I declare.

I had my morning coffee in the downtown and, by the time I finished my caffeinated beverage, the skies were looking like the 100 percent chance of rain was an understatement. Fortunately, the museums on my hotel grounds were open for business today, as they are open only on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Here are the historic ruins of hobby horses:

This is a stylized Christ, nailed to a "T":

Out on a limb and saying that was not part of the original ruined church religious art collection. The spiral of bells, however, would have worked in the old church.

Does it count as a carillon? I just don't know.

Side chapel off the main chapel:

I believe this Last Supper, with an appropriately Semitic-looking Christ, is original to the pre-ruined church.

Next stop: the crypt:

How many hotels have you stayed at that not only have bones underneath the structure, but bones you can visit?

I didn't take pictures of the bones because that struck me as simultaneously morbid and disrespectful. Even if I could handle one of those, I can't deal with both. So I photographed the Cavalry scene inside the crypt, which I believe also is original to the pre-ruined church on which this hotel was built.

We now have moved to the archaeology museum. Finally, somewhere in Guatemala, an archaeology museum was open. Those are Mayan artifacts above.

The pottery looks in way too good of shape to be authentic Mayan from 700 to 1500 years ago, but maybe it is. Who am I to judge?

Same with the drinking goblets.

The Mayans used those to drink their morning coffee.

No, I know, the Mayans did not drink coffee. Their empire might have survived up to the point of contact with the Spaniards if they had. Coffee, as we know, was brought to the new world by the Spanish, since it originally was from somewhere on either side of the Red Sea, probably Ethiopia, but I believe Yemen has tried to stake a claim, too.

More Mayan artifacts:

Let's zoom in on a few. This obviously is a bat. 

Mayans dug the bat.

This one looks like a pig:

It has to be a pig, but I was not aware that pigs were part of Mayan animal husbandry. In fact, I believe the meat sources in the Mayan diet primarily were deer and turkey, both of which were killed wild. So not sure why this one looks so pig-like.

I call this one "Mayan Guernica":

It is not Mayan. But it does have a Guernica vibe to it. But the Mayan Empire was finito by the time of Spanish contact. The Aztecs definitely suffered more of a Guernica moment than the Maya did.

And here is a photo of the volcano fitting neatly under the arch.

But that's a garden arch. It's not THE arch of Antigua.

Because, as I said, the volcano is so big and the arch is so small.

My Antigua Hotel Doubles as Church Ruins

Agua Volcano visible the gardens of my hotel

I decided to treat myself to a much more luxurious hotel than where I normally would lay my head. Prices were down because of COVID phobia. And I got cheated out of my 60th birthday celebration last year. So I decided I was worth a splurge.

I am staying in the Casa Santo Domingo on the edge of Antigua. That is a courtyard just over from the row of rooms where I am staying. As I may have said before, my room has a pool view, which no one is using due to some combination of mild temperatures, rain storms, and COVID-induced limited capacity at the pool.

Lots of religious art because this used to be a church.

Until the earthquake.

Antigua was largely destroyed by a massive earthquake on July 29, 1773. The city lay largely in ruins. The Guatemalan capital then was packed up and moved to the present site of Guatemala City, which made zero sense since Guatemala City was just as earthquake prone. (Most recent massive quake: 1976.)

The ruins of the old church are still used for Sunday mass once a week.

 

There is a roof, but it's otherwise open air.

And for you preservation absolutists who want to be horrified that they built a luxury hotel around the unreconstructed (but shored-up) ruins of great church, relax. There are plenty of other churches in ruins in Antigua. Church ruins are as common in Antigua as casinos in Las Vegas.

The un-ruined parts of the hotel complex are quite nice.

And they have parrots poolside.

Maybe around seven or so.

They like to squawk, but only during the day. The museums on the hotel grounds -- and there are several -- are largely closed (including the chocolate museum), probably all casualties of COVID. The spa, like the hotel spas in Las Vegas, has very limited capacity. But the birds are open for business.

They sleep at night. So I can, too.