The Volcano Does Not Fit Under the Arch

Looking down 5a Avenida at the volcano behind the arch

The volcano is so big and the arch is way too small.

The weather forecast said that today there was a 100 percent chance of rain. Surprisingly, in the morning, despite gloomy skies, there was no rain. So I decided to take one last chance at getting the signature photo of Antigua, Guatemala.

The above photo looks like the volcano is under the arch, but that's because the clouds are obscuring the top. The signature photo has this little bitty catenary curve of a volcano fitting wholly under the arch. I now will officially call shenanigans. Such photos exist only in the world of photoshop. I declare.

I had my morning coffee in the downtown and, by the time I finished my caffeinated beverage, the skies were looking like the 100 percent chance of rain was an understatement. Fortunately, the museums on my hotel grounds were open for business today, as they are open only on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Here are the historic ruins of hobby horses:

This is a stylized Christ, nailed to a "T":

Out on a limb and saying that was not part of the original ruined church religious art collection. The spiral of bells, however, would have worked in the old church.

Does it count as a carillon? I just don't know.

Side chapel off the main chapel:

I believe this Last Supper, with an appropriately Semitic-looking Christ, is original to the pre-ruined church.

Next stop: the crypt:

How many hotels have you stayed at that not only have bones underneath the structure, but bones you can visit?

I didn't take pictures of the bones because that struck me as simultaneously morbid and disrespectful. Even if I could handle one of those, I can't deal with both. So I photographed the Cavalry scene inside the crypt, which I believe also is original to the pre-ruined church on which this hotel was built.

We now have moved to the archaeology museum. Finally, somewhere in Guatemala, an archaeology museum was open. Those are Mayan artifacts above.

The pottery looks in way too good of shape to be authentic Mayan from 700 to 1500 years ago, but maybe it is. Who am I to judge?

Same with the drinking goblets.

The Mayans used those to drink their morning coffee.

No, I know, the Mayans did not drink coffee. Their empire might have survived up to the point of contact with the Spaniards if they had. Coffee, as we know, was brought to the new world by the Spanish, since it originally was from somewhere on either side of the Red Sea, probably Ethiopia, but I believe Yemen has tried to stake a claim, too.

More Mayan artifacts:

Let's zoom in on a few. This obviously is a bat. 

Mayans dug the bat.

This one looks like a pig:

It has to be a pig, but I was not aware that pigs were part of Mayan animal husbandry. In fact, I believe the meat sources in the Mayan diet primarily were deer and turkey, both of which were killed wild. So not sure why this one looks so pig-like.

I call this one "Mayan Guernica":

It is not Mayan. But it does have a Guernica vibe to it. But the Mayan Empire was finito by the time of Spanish contact. The Aztecs definitely suffered more of a Guernica moment than the Maya did.

And here is a photo of the volcano fitting neatly under the arch.

But that's a garden arch. It's not THE arch of Antigua.

Because, as I said, the volcano is so big and the arch is so small.

Walking Around Antigua without a Guide

The Arch and the Volcano: the signature view of Antigua

The City of Antigua, Guatemala, is quite compact. Most of the sights -- and by "sights" I mean "church ruins" -- are in a small area that measures, roughly six blocks by six blocks. There are a few ruins that stray outside that square. And the Cerro de la Cruz (big cross on a hillside) overlooking the city is well outside the square (and unvisited for today). But the main sights are in a confined space.

And this being Guatemala, what other way is there to start the day than with a big ol' cup of Guatemalan bean coffee?

Fortified with the requisite caffeine, it's time to take in the ruins.

The first set of ruinizations would be the remnants of Iglesia San Agustin.

Some of the ruins are open for exploration. Some are not. Iglesia San Agustin is a "not."

Off to trod more of the cobblestone streets of Antigua, with an emphasis on the "cobble" part.

Tomorrow I wear hiking boots, which will make walking on the uneven stones much easier on the feet. And, after only a few blocks, I came upon the most famous, most photographed tourist site in all of Guatemala: the Arco de Santa Catalina.

It is an arch over a street that in the old days of the city functioned as a way for cloistered nuns to get from one building on one side of the street to the other without being exposed to humanity, since their vows allowed no interaction with the rest of the human race.

There are days that I have great envy for such a lifestyle.

Once you cross under the Arch ("arco" is the Spanish word for "arch," not "gas station"), you quickly arrive at the grounds of the Iglesia de la Merced.

Which is not in ruins.

It appears to be an actual functioning non-ruined church.

On the other hand, you don't have to walk far to come upon another church ruin.

Antiguo Colegio de la Compañía de Jesús. Only this may not be complete ruins (sort of like my hotel, which is a hybrid of church ruins and useful structure).

Would there be that many motorbikes if these were ruins?

Lots of motorbikes at the Helados Marco Polo ice cream store, too.

Then it is off to the Plaza Mayor,

The highlight of Antigua's Parque Central is this fountain. It includes a woman who has streams of water flowing out from her breast nipples.

That was the profile view. Here she is in landscape.

That is definitely something you do not see everyday.

And here is another hybrid of ruins and function,  This is the Cathedral of Antigua Guatemala, the Catedral San José.

It is a functioning cathedral, on the modern side.

Nicely ornate but nothing like you know these ruins were in their day.

But attached to the functional cathedral is the property for the glorious ruins of the Catedral San José.

Which you can tour!

Which I did. The above damage, with the crumpled column, is not from the massive 1773 earthquake that destroyed Antigua. That damage is more modern. It's from the massive 1976 earthquake that struck Guatemala City.

Antigua and Guatemala City both sit at a point where three tectonic plates collide. California thinks life is difficult on the edges of two tectonic plates. This is where the North American, the Caribbean, and the Cocos Plate (a small plate off the Pacific coast of Central America) collide (often) violently.

So why build cities here and risk such massive destruction? The volcanoes of Guatemala mean that there is extremely rich soil for agriculture, making it worth putting up with the shaking and quaking.

Even if it leaves your beautiful cathedrals in ruins.

The building must have been absolutely spectacular in its day.

One last set of ruins for the day. These are Las ruinas iglesia de la Concepción, the ruins of the Church of the Concepcion.

Lots of work currently being done to get these ruins in good enough shape to show off.

At this point, the sky was looking like some rain. Time for an afternoon break.